Some good anagrams:
Dormitory - Dirty Room
Evangelist - Evil's Agent
Desperation - A Rope Ends It
Slot Machines - Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity - Is No Amity
Mother-in-law - Woman Hitler
Alec Guinness - Genuine Class
Semolina - Is No Meal
Eleven plus two - Twelve plus one
Contradiction - Accord not in it
Princess Diana - Ascend in Paris
"To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."
"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten."
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." - Neil Armstrong
becomes: "Thin man left planet, makes a large stride, ran, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!"
Finally... "President Clinton of the USA" can be rearranged into: "To copulate he finds interns" :-)
A mate of Tony's finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life - until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the next island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from palm tree trunks; I wove the bottom from palm fronds; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Tony's mate. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Tony's mate is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Tony's mate looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she casually says, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut milk."
"It's not coconut milk," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
No longer questioning anything, Tony's mate goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle with two shells honed to a hollow ground edge fastened to its end. "WOW! This woman is amazing," he muses, "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. It must have been very lonely for you. I know a man has certain needs. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been aching for all these months. You know..." She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean...", he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Anon.
I bought my wife a hat, and she complained it was cheap and damaged. "What do you mean?" I asked. "That's a Princess Diana hat."
"How do you know that?" she asked.
"Its a crushed bonnet!"
If a man is alone in the forest, talking, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements; religion, royalty, sex, and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose?"
Here's a little part of US history which makes you go hmmm...
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both Presidents were shot in the head, on a Friday. Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the Kennedy Theater. Kennedy was shot in a Lincoln Convertible.
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before their trials.
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
David Phillips, a civil engineer at UC-Davis, has become a cult hero to frequent fliers.
One day, he was pushing his shopping cart down the frozen-food aisle of his local supermarket when a promotion on a Healthy Choice frozen meal caught his eye - he could earn 500 miles for every 10 bar codes from Healthy Choice products he sent to the company by Dec 31. Even better: any Healthy Choice bar codes mailed by the end of the month would rack up double the mileage. "I started doing the math, and I realized that this was a great deal," he said. "I wanted to take my family to Europe this summer, and this could be the way."
Frozen meals were about $2 apiece, but a few aisles away he found cans of Healthy Choice soups at 90 cents each. He filled his cart with them, and then headed to his local Grocery Outlet, a warehouse-style discount store. And there he hit the mother lode. "They had individual servings of chocolate pudding for 25 cents apiece," he said. "And each serving had its own bar code on it. I did some more math and decided to escalate my plans."
Phillips cleaned the store out of puddings. He then asked the manager for the addresses of the other grocery outlets in the Central Valley and, with his mother-in-law riding shotgun in his van, spent a weekend scouring the shelves of every store from Davis to Fresno.
"There were 10 in all," he said. "Luckily, most of them were right off the freeway." He filled his garage to the rafters with chocolate pudding and stacked additional cases in his living room. But Phillips wasn't finished yet - he had the manager of his local Grocery Outlet order him 60 more cases. "A few days later I went out behind the store," he said, "and there were two whole pallets of chocolate pudding with my name on them." All in all, he'd purchased 12,150 individual servings of pudding.
Around this time, Phillips began to reveal his scheme on the Webflyer Web site under the name "Pudding Guy." Phillips' tale was met with skepticism, if not outright disbelief, until he uploaded photos of his haul. But then Pudding Guy discovered he had a problem on his hands: The deadline for earning double miles was quickly approaching, and there was simply no way Phillips and his wife could tear off all those bar codes in time. "I had to come up with something to do with all that pudding, fast" he said. Phillips trucked the pudding to two local food banks and the Salvation Army, which agreed to tear off the bar codes in exchange for the food donation. "We'd never seen anything like it," said Larry Hostetler, community relations director for the Sacramento Salvation Army. "We've gotten some big donations, but always from companies and institutions, not individual people."
Phillips got his bar codes in the mail in time to beat the deadline, and then held his breath. The promotion specifically said I could get the miles for any Healthy Choice product," he said. "But still, it seemed like there was a good chance they'd get me on some technicality. "But then packages - large packages - started arriving in the mail from Healthy Choice. In all, they contained 2,506 certificates, each good for 500 miles. That's 1,253,000 miles.
Under the terms of the promotion, Phillips could have the mileage posted in any airline account. He split 216,000 between his United, Delta and Northwest accounts and posted the rest - 1,037,000 miles - to his American Airlines account.
By surpassing the million-mile mark, Pudding Guy now has Advantage Gold status for life, entitling him to a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades and bonus miles.
The scheme netted him enough miles for 31 round-trip coach tickets to Europe, or 42 tickets to Hawaii, or 21 tickets to Australia, or 50 tickets anywhere in the U.S.
"Wow - 31 trips to Europe for a little over $3,000," I said. "That's less than $100 a ticket."
"Oh, it's better than that," Phillips said. "Since I gave the pudding to charity I can take a tax write-off of $815. So that brings the cost of a ticket to Europe down to $75." Pudding Guy didn't donate all his stash to the food banks - he kept about 100 servings for himself. "Actually," he said, "I really like the stuff."